I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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