I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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