Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
