the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
