3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
