the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
