i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
