I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
