What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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