if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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