it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
