Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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