he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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