I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
