i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
birth control should be required to get into college
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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