Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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