It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
