You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
