i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
