im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
