are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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