Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
