I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
