my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
