Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
