I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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