Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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