dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
