i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
