You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
