wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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