Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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