dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
