Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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