I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
