I puked a lego.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
