Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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