wanna go halves on a baby?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
