he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
