I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
