Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
