Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
