True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
