Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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