On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize