He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
