WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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