physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
