The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
