he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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