just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
