she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
