I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
