Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm having to shit out rocks
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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