Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
