i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
